Addiction is a tough subject. It’s messy, awkward, and deeply personal, yet when it hits close to home — or work — it becomes impossible to ignore. As someone who spends a significant amount of time with coworkers, you may come face-to-face with a colleague struggling with addiction. And trust me, it’s not easy. You might feel powerless, uncomfortable, or even frustrated. But let’s get real for a moment: standing by and doing nothing is never an option. Inaction can make the problem worse, not just for your coworker but for your entire team.
So, what do you do when you realize a coworker is grappling with an addiction? How do you offer help without overstepping boundaries or making things worse? I’ll walk you through this, based on what I’ve learned from research, personal experience, and conversations with professionals.
Step 1: Recognize the Signs (But Don’t Play Detective)
First, you’ve got to recognize what’s going on. Addiction doesn’t always look the way it’s portrayed in movies — it’s not always about someone stumbling into the office drunk or sneaking out to use drugs. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Your coworker might be showing up late, frequently calling in sick, or looking exhausted and disheveled. Maybe their work performance has taken a nosedive, or their behavior has become erratic.
But, here’s where I have to stress: you’re not a detective, a doctor, or a counselor. You don’t need to diagnose anyone. Trying to prove that someone has a problem will only cause tension. The goal isn’t to gather evidence like a crime scene investigator. The goal is to help.
What you can do is pay attention to patterns. If you notice someone’s productivity has taken a consistent hit or they’re displaying odd behavior over time, it might be worth looking into. If their issues are affecting their work or the team’s dynamics, that’s when it becomes a concern for you.
Step 2: Check Your Motives
Before you approach anyone, ask yourself why you want to help. Is it because you’re genuinely concerned about their well-being? Or is it because their behavior is annoying you, and you just want it to stop? Be honest with yourself.
If you’re only thinking about how their addiction is inconveniencing you, it’s time to take a step back. Dealing with addiction is not about you — it’s about the person who’s suffering. The last thing they need is someone swooping in with judgment or frustration.
This is a human being, likely dealing with immense personal pain, shame, or confusion. If your motives aren’t centered around empathy and support, you’re not going to be able to help in a meaningful way.
Step 3: Avoid Enabling
This one’s tricky. Sometimes, out of kindness, we unknowingly enable a person’s addiction. Maybe you’re covering up for their mistakes, taking on extra work, or making excuses for their behavior. While it may seem like you’re helping them, you’re actually allowing the problem to persist without consequences.
For example, if your coworker is consistently missing deadlines or showing up late because of their addiction, and you keep covering for them, it’s enabling the behavior. They might feel like they can keep slipping up because someone’s got their back.
You have to be clear about boundaries. Don’t take on their responsibilities. Don’t make excuses to management for them. It’s not about throwing them under the bus, but about recognizing that accountability can sometimes be the catalyst for change.
Step 4: Approach Them with Care
Okay, so you’ve recognized the signs, checked your motives, and decided not to enable. Now comes the hardest part: talking to your coworker. This conversation is going to be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
Start by choosing the right time and place. Don’t ambush them in front of other people or in the middle of a busy day. Find a quiet, private space where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
Be direct but compassionate. Avoid accusing language like “You’re an addict” or “You’ve got a problem.” Instead, focus on what you’ve noticed and how it’s affecting them and their work. Here’s an example:
“Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed really off lately, and I’m concerned. You’re showing up late a lot, and your work hasn’t been up to your usual standard. Is everything okay?”
This opens the door for them to share, without making them feel cornered or defensive. They may deny it, they may get angry, or they may break down. Be prepared for any reaction, but keep your cool. Remember, addiction is often rooted in pain and shame, and talking about it can be extremely difficult.
Step 5: Offer Support, Not Solutions
When someone opens up about their addiction, resist the urge to “fix” them. You are not their therapist or their savior. Offering unsolicited advice like “Just quit” or “Have you tried going to rehab?” might come from a good place, but it’s not helpful.
Instead, offer support. Let them know you’re there for them and that you care. Encourage them to seek professional help. You can point them toward resources like counseling, employee assistance programs (EAP), or addiction specialists. But understand that, at the end of the day, it’s their choice to get help. You can’t force it.
You might say something like:
“I care about you and I’m here for you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I know there are people who can help. If you ever want to talk about it or need help finding support, let me know.”
This keeps the focus on empathy, not on “fixing” them.
Step 6: Know When to Involve HR or Management
At some point, the addiction might become so severe that it’s affecting the entire team or even the safety of the workplace. This is when you need to get HR or management involved. I know this feels like a betrayal, but it’s sometimes necessary. The goal isn’t to get your coworker fired; it’s to get them the help they need while protecting the well-being of the team.
Before you go to HR, document what you’ve observed over time. Be objective. Stick to facts, like missed workdays, noticeable changes in behavior, and dips in productivity. This will help HR approach the situation with clear evidence, rather than hearsay or emotional accusations.
Make it clear to HR that your intent isn’t to punish your coworker, but to offer them the help they need while protecting the team. Most companies have EAPs or support programs specifically designed to help employees struggling with addiction. You’re helping them access those resources, not getting them in trouble.
Step 7: Prepare for Backlash
Not everyone wants help. Some people in the throes of addiction will lash out when confronted. They might accuse you of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, or they might deny the problem altogether. This is tough, but you have to understand that their reaction isn’t about you. It’s about their own struggle and the fear of facing it.
If your coworker reacts negatively, stay calm. Reiterate that you’re coming from a place of care and concern. But if they refuse help or get aggressive, it’s okay to back off. You can’t force someone to face their addiction before they’re ready.
Step 8: Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
Helping someone through addiction is emotionally draining. You might feel frustrated, helpless, or even guilty if things don’t go well. It’s crucial that you take care of your own mental health during this time.
Talk to someone you trust — maybe a close friend, a therapist, or even HR — about how you’re feeling. It’s okay to admit that this situation is difficult for you too. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
Also, set boundaries. You can offer support, but you’re not obligated to be a constant lifeline. If your coworker’s addiction starts to consume your own emotional or mental energy, it’s okay to step back. You’re not responsible for their recovery.
Step 9: Understand That Addiction is a Long Road
Addiction isn’t something that gets solved overnight. Even if your coworker decides to get help, it’s going to be a long, hard journey. They might relapse. They might go through phases of denial or resistance. Be prepared for this, and don’t expect a quick fix.
Celebrate small victories — maybe they start coming to work on time, or their productivity improves slightly. Recovery is a process, and progress often comes in baby steps.
Step 10: Know That You’re Making a Difference
Even if your coworker never fully admits to their addiction or refuses to get help, know that your efforts aren’t in vain. You showed them that someone cares, that they’re not alone in their struggle. Sometimes, that’s all a person needs to start their journey to recovery.
You’ve taken the brave step of reaching out, of trying to make a difference. Not everyone is willing to do that. While the outcome may not always be what you hoped for, you can walk away knowing that you acted with empathy, courage, and integrity.
Final Thoughts
Helping a coworker with an addiction is not easy. It’s uncomfortable, emotional, and sometimes thankless. But it’s also one of the most compassionate things you can do. Addiction thrives in silence and secrecy. By offering support, you’re breaking that silence and giving your coworker a chance to find a way out.
Remember, you can’t fix the problem for them. What you can do is be a source of support, point them toward help, and hold them accountable when necessary. It’s a delicate balance, but if you approach the situation with empathy and care, you’ll make a difference — even if it’s not immediately visible.
And lastly, be kind to yourself throughout this process. You’re showing up for someone else in one of the hardest times of their life, and that’s no small feat. Whether or not they accept your help, you’ve done something meaningful.
