How to Stop Thinking About Someone: Effective Tactics

There’s no gentle way to say it: getting someone out of your head can feel impossible. Maybe it’s an ex, a crush who never reciprocated, a toxic friend, or someone who ghosted you. You replay conversations, imagine “what ifs,” and even catch yourself stalking their social media.

You know it’s not helping—but you can’t stop.

The good news is, you can absolutely rewire your brain to stop obsessing over someone. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But it’s possible. And in this guide, we’re going to walk through science-backed, practical, and sometimes brutally honest strategies to get your brain back. Let’s get into it.

Why It’s So Hard to Let Go

Let’s start with the psychological wiring that keeps you stuck.

Your brain doesn’t distinguish between emotional pain and physical pain very well. In fact, breakups and rejection activate the same neural pathways that physical injury does. That means thinking about someone who hurt you lights up your brain like you’ve been punched. You’re in withdrawal—especially if you were emotionally attached.

There are four main reasons your brain refuses to move on:

Understanding this is key. You’re not broken. You’re human. Now let’s move into the tactics that actually help.

1. Accept That It’s Over

Let’s not sugar-coat it: you can’t move on if you don’t believe it’s done.

Whether it was a romantic relationship, a flirtation, or a friendship, your brain is holding onto a tiny sliver of hope that things might still work out. That sliver is killing your progress.

What to Do:

• Write down everything they did that hurt you.
• Make a list of reasons it won’t work, no matter how small or petty.
• Read it every time you find yourself reminiscing.
• Say out loud: “It’s over. It’s not coming back.“

It’s harsh—but repeating this helps your brain build new neural pathways of truth, not fantasy.

2. Cut Contact Cold Turkey

No texts. No social media stalking. No “just checking in.” No excuses.

Every time you interact—even virtually—you reinforce a neural loop of longing.

Implement a Total Detox:

Think of this like quitting an addiction—because emotionally, that’s what it is. The only way to stop craving is to stop feeding it.

3. Create a “Thought Reversal” Plan

Your brain needs a new script. Instead of letting it run wild with “what if” fantasies, interrupt the pattern.

Try This Every Time They Pop Up in Your Mind:

1. Notice it: “I’m thinking about [name] again.”
2. Label it: “This is a mental habit, not a truth.”
3. Redirect: Shift to a prepared thought, project, or affirmation.
4. Do something physical: Clap your hands, stand up, drink water—anything sensory.

Repeat this 100 times if you must. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress.

4. Reframe the Story

We often romanticize the people we can’t stop thinking about. Your mind picks out the good bits and airbrushes over the pain.

Flip the script.

Instead of, “They were perfect for me,” say:
“They weren’t good for me in reality, only in fantasy.”

Instead of, “We had something special,” try:
“If it were truly special, they’d still be in my life.”

Instead of, “I miss them,” say:
“I miss the version of them I created in my head.”

Truth hurts—but it sets you free.

5. Use the Zeigarnik Effect Against Itself

The Zeigarnik Effect is your brain’s tendency to remember unfinished tasks more than finished ones. Emotionally, this plays out as ruminating on people you don’t have closure with.

Hack It:

• Write a fake letter to them. Say everything you didn’t get to say.
• End it with finality: “This is the last time I will speak to you, even in my head.”
• Then burn it, shred it, delete it—whatever you must to symbolize letting go.

It’s not about them reading it. It’s about you closing the loop in your own mind.

Learn more about the Zeigarnik Effect on Wikipedia.

6. Keep Your Body Busy

Thinking is easiest when you’re idle. It’s why you spiral when you’re lying in bed or scrolling endlessly.

You need to keep your body moving so your mind doesn’t sink.

Move Daily:

Physical activity also releases endorphins, improving your mood and lowering obsessive thoughts.

7. Fill the Void With Purpose

When someone exits your life, they leave a vacuum. Your brain hates emptiness—it wants something to latch onto.

Fill it with purpose.

This could be a creative project, a fitness goal, a new job, or even learning a new language. The key is to invest energy into yourself, not them.

8. Stop Talking About Them

Every time you rehash their name in a conversation, you’re feeding the obsession. It may feel like venting, but often it’s just rumination out loud.

Ask yourself honestly:

• Are you seeking validation?
• Are you hoping someone will say, “They’ll come back”?
• Are you trying to keep them emotionally alive?

Let it go.

Set a personal rule: No talking about them for 30 days. Tell close friends to hold you accountable.

9. Ditch the Triggers

You know what keeps them in your head? Songs, smells, memes, movies—you name it. Your brain wires emotional memory to sensory input. It’s called associative memory.

If a song reminds you of them—skip it.
If a place reminds you of them—don’t go there.
If a scent triggers a memory—replace it with something new.

Control your inputs, and you’ll weaken the emotional tether.

10. Retrain Your Dopamine

You probably got dopamine spikes from seeing their name pop up. From getting a text. From getting a laugh or compliment. You were conditioned, even if unintentionally.

You now need to get your dopamine elsewhere.

Try These Dopamine Alternatives:

Rewire your brain by feeding it healthy highs, not emotional chaos.

11. Let Time Do Its Job

Let’s not pretend there’s a magic switch. Time helps—but only if you’re not feeding the obsession. If you do all the things above, you’ll shorten the grieving period. If you don’t, it drags on.

Studies suggest that emotional pain tends to decline significantly after 3 months of no contact and intentional healing work.

But you have to commit.

12. Understand Limerence

If your obsession feels irrational and all-consuming, you might be experiencing limerence—a psychological state where someone becomes the center of your emotional universe, usually without a real relationship to back it up.

Limerence is like a drug addiction, complete with highs, withdrawals, and irrational behavior.

Learn more about limerence to see if this is what you’re facing. Understanding it is often the first step to escaping it.

13. Try Therapy (Seriously)

A good therapist helps you:

• Spot emotional patterns you can’t see yourself.
• Set boundaries.
• Break mental habits.
• Heal trauma driving obsessive thinking.

14. Develop Brutal Self-Honesty

Ask yourself:

• Were they really that great, or am I just lonely?
• Did I love them, or did I love the attention?
• Am I missing the person—or just the feeling of being wanted?

Most of the time, we miss how someone made us feel about ourselves, not who they actually were.

Brutal honesty is hard—but it’s the key to freedom.

15. Practice Future Visualization

Your brain needs a new vision to look forward to, not just an empty present.

Create a “life without them” vision:

• What kind of person are you becoming?
• What do your days look like?
• Who are you surrounded by?
• How do you feel when you no longer care?

Make this your daily meditation. Visualization activates the same brain regions as actual experience, helping you believe in the possibility of moving on.

Final Thoughts

Obsessing over someone is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of being human. But staying stuck? That’s optional.

Here’s a recap table of everything we’ve covered:

You’re not meant to stay stuck in the past. The person you’re becoming doesn’t need this pain anymore.

So start today. Start with one tactic. Then another. And another.

The future you isn’t obsessed. They’re thriving.